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My Catch 22

For those of you who have read Joseph Heller’s ‘Catch 22’, you would understand the sentiment of what it means. The definition on the internet Google search reads like this: ‘a dilemma or difficult circumstance from which there is no escape because of mutually conflicting or dependent conditions.’

Here is my Catch 22: My grandfather on my father’s side had schizophrenia. This is an inherent condition and I am afflicted with this. I take my medication and this assists with me maintaining focus and everything that I do in daily habits. My father is an experimental film-maker. If you haven’t seen some of his films, you should. He was working with analogue film and it has a wild effect.

My mother is an intelligent woman. A speech pathologist. Which is akin to that of a doctor, or at least a health professional.

I inherit my intelligence from my mother’s side. This means I’m not dim witted.

But the madness I inherit from my father’s side.

Don’t ask me what went on in the 1960s and 1970s, I wasn’t alive and wouldn’t be able to tell you what made my parents a pair.

Anyway… So I’m intelligent and also crazy. Mad genius… Or at least mad intellectual.

If you put me in an environment where I was to work (which I have), this would be difficult for my managers and also torturous to myself. As I’m intelligent enough to correct my managers, but also at the same time not always coherent in my thoughts.

So… That’s my Catch 22. And the only thing allowed to me in order to fulfill my potential is work through the creative field. As a writer and artist I maintain independence, but also don’t distract others.

In addition to this I take a medication that is an anti-psychotic. This makes me sleep for long periods of time. It’s basically a mind tranquilizer. You attempt to maintain a healthy sleeping pattern while on mind tranquilizers.

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