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Overlord of the Neighbourhood

[Overlord of the Neigbourhood, 529 words, Genre: Realistic Fiction/Dark Humour]

* Image courtesy of Dirk de Bruyn

He was a security guard in his thirties. He had grown up as a thief and now that he had grown the responsibility had shifted to him. The world had made him bitter and mean. And because he was bitter and mean he thought that everyone should be like him. Because of his past, you thought you might be able to sympathise with him. But the truth of the fact was that he was an arsehole. There was no excuse for his behaviour. He would yell at his neighbours if they made the slightest noise.

He thought he was great and would walk around calling everyone else arrogant. He would hold his head up high and make everyone else feel shit around him. He would smoke weed and be completely unaware of the effect that he was having on the world around him.

As children in the next door house played outside, he would yell at them to shut up. In short, he was not a happy man. Every time someone else would show the faintest sign of happiness, he would stomp on that happiness to make himself feel better.

The children in the next door house were playing outside and as the security guard sat in his home, smoking weed and getting completely out of his mind, he became agitated. He found their happiness annoying in his own life. Being the arsehole that he was, he went over to the house next door. From there he called out over the fence, “Will you little shits shut up!”

The children looked at him in confusion. They didn’t understand and they just stared at him in confusion. “What’s your problem mister?” One of the children asked.

“I want you to behave yourself in my company is what my problem is.” He was completely out of his mind. High as a kite and attempting to force his own law on people around him.

Now, that this man had a job in security was laughable. Having a stoner in charge was ridiculous, but the security company didn’t know that he smoked marijuana on a regular basis. And for some reason he had an over inflated opinion of himself.

So the children stopped playing their games. The security guard was content that they had stopped playing their games and then  went back inside his own home to continue smoking weed.

The children looked on at his house and wondered what he was doing in there. “What is this shit?” One of the children complained. “We can’t even play in our own backyard without this arsehole poking his head over the fence and telling us off.”

Then one of the children took his side, “I’m on this guy’s side. We shouldn’t be playing. I for one, welcome our new overlord.”

“Why would you welcome a dictatorship?”

“Because it’s his dictatorship. Can’t you see that this is a very important man.”

“He’s not important, he’s just some idiot who smokes too much wacky tobacci.”

“What’s wacky tabacci?” One of the children asked.

And as the children argued. The security guard who was off duty smoked his bong and fell asleep in front of the television.


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19 replies »

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