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The Legend of Super Bitch

[The Legend of Super Bitch, 857 words, Genre: Dark Humour]

* Image courtesy of Dirk de Bruyn

Hugh had just found a new job. It was factory work and they were paying him by the hour. Starting at seven in the morning meant that he had to wake up at half past four. There was an hour long train journey on the way to work, he used that time to catch up on rest, barely keeping his eyes open at that time in the morning. Then there was a half an hour walk from the train station to the factory. This was the daily routine that he had only just commenced.

He began his shift. It was simple labour, you had to stand on your feet for the course of the day and apply adhesive tape to the back of boxes. Simple labours, nothing too mind boggling. But at the same time, the constant standing would wear down on the feet and if you had a pair of new shoes, you were sure to walk away with blisters. Hugh had been paired up with another worker. The other worker had been there for a longer period of time, about six years and counting. He was of Vietnamese descent and introduced himself under the English name of Paul. He was used to the organization, knew the history of the company that they were both now working for and had survived the politics of individuals climbing the social hierarchy.

“They go up and sometimes they fall down,” Paul explained.

“Yeah, just like every other place,” Hugh replied.

“There are always some interesting characters that come through and do it. Take for example super bitch.”

“Who’s super bitch?”

Paul directed his head to a middle aged woman who was a manager of the factory floor. Years had beaten down on her face, producing wrinkles on her face. All youth had faded, her tits sagged, her hair was cut short and she wore a constant scowl on her face. “Let me tell you the legend of super bitch. She started here about half a year ago and came in and started running the floor. Ordering everyone around and this woman believes in discipline. Believes in discipline like you would not believe. One of the other workers was able to get the back story out of her. She grew up way out in the desert of South Australia. She didn’t go to school or anything like that. She was living too remotely. She moved into the city at about the age of twenty. She had been running the family business which was a gas station and restaurant out in the middle of nowhere. The restaurant had to be closed down because of nuclear fallout and radiation debris.”

“Radiation debris?”

“Yeah, the government or the army or something was testing nuclear warheads in the vicinity of the family business. The family never got a payout or anything. We all think she’s experiencing some sort of mental disability because of the radiation poisoning. And that’s why she does some of the things she does. That’s why we call her super bitch. She’s like one of those characters from Dragon Ball Z or something.”


“Yeah man, and that was only the beginning. Super bitch is a chain smoking maniac. Throughout the course of her life she has been through chemotherapy a series of three times.”

“Three times!?”

“Yeah, I know. Most people don’t even survive the first round. But super bitch, she’s something special. She just keeps on taking the hits and keeps on coming at you. I think because of what happened to her when she was younger, she built up some form of resistance to radiation. We think about it sometimes. Put it into hypothetical situations.”

“Hypothetical situations?”

“Yeah, like if Superman and super bitch got into a fight who would win.”

“Well, Superman would win of course, he’s got superpowers and all sorts of shit.”

“Beep! Wrong answer. The correct answer is that super bitch would win. Super bitch wins every time.”

“Ah, I see…”  Hugh stated as they continued their manual labour, “I just need to go to the bathroom.”

“Sure, no problem by me.”

Hugh dropped his work and went to the bathroom. He sat down on the toilet and commenced his disposal of bodily waste. That is when someone walked into the bathroom.

“You better be shitting in there and not escaping the work. We’ve got about fifty separate orders this week and we can’t afford to pay slackers.” God damn it! What the fark sort of shit was this!? Being interrupted for a simple toilet break.

“Excuse me? Who the fark are you?” Hugh called out.

“They call me super bitch.” It was super bitch, in person, waiting outside the toilet cubicle. “When you finish, don’t flush. I want to see the evidence.”

“The evidence?”

“Your stool.”

Hugh grumbled. Quickly finished up his business after being interrupted and exited the cubicle. “There you go,” Hugh pointed at the toilet that hadn’t been flushed, “I was taking a shit.”

Super bitch went over to inspect the toilet and found that Hugh had not been lying. “Very well, but it shouldn’t have taken you that long.”

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