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Mister Thumb

[Mister Thumb, 508 words, Genre: Dark Humour]

* Image courtesy of Dirk de Bruyn

There was a man who was the size of a thumb. He was a quiet, humble man, who just happened to be the size of a thumb. He worked a job as all men do. He had a suit and tie. He went to work as all men do. But people could not see the man that was the size of a thumb. With their heads up in the clouds and their noses in the air. They all walked past Mister Thumb, thinking themselves high and mighty.

It was no small job that Mister Thumb had. Yet, people chose to ignore him. When other people were speaking, Mister Thumb would always raise his hand to answer. Those that were seeking answers never looked to Mister Thumb. They all looked to other people. People who were taller and had arms that could reach up into the sky.

Mister Thumb could not reach that high; he could not even reach the cookie jar that was on the top shelf because it was too far. People would laugh at Mister Thumb from afar, they would all cry out, ‘ha ha’.

An anger grew in Mister Thumb. A great and terrible rage. “Curse you!” He called out, “Curse you! If it were not for these short arms and short legs, you’d all be begging me for…” Mister Thumb couldn’t think of a word, because he didn’t have the vocabulary to rhyme with ‘legs’. “… dregs. Dregs of that chalice of victory that I would taste, if only I were the tallest person in the human race!”

And, as if God answered his prayers, he began to grow. His shoulders widened, his legs stretched, his arms lengthened. And as Mister Thumb walked around with his newfound height, he looked around, he was so tall that he could not even see the ground.

He took long steps. Taller than a giraffe. His arms were skinny and slender. For Mister Thumb this was no good either. “Damn this!” He called out, “I’m going on a bender.”

And on a bender he did take, indulging in the juice of a grape. Causing much chaos down below. Causing himself much misery and woe. Mister Thumb mused, “Everyone has their dreams diminished. Once things come true you are finished. I’m not actually alone though, everyone has a tough time it’s just part of the natural flow.”

Someone, from down below called out, “Don’t worry Mister Thumb. I’ll mend ya’.” And the voice from below spoke in a language ancient, unknown to others, he began to shrink and was as then as tall as his newfound brothers.

His arms shortened, his legs condensed, his body accounted for its size.

They were not tall, they were not small. There were many of them, seven billion in all. Mister Thumb could not believe his eyes, it was such a surprise and from that point on he considered himself wise.

But all of those were lies. Mister Thumb never grew that size. He just took delight in the fact that everyone dies.

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