Skip to content

The cornetto conspiracy

[The Cornetto Conspiracy, 638 words, Genre: Mind Fudge]

* Image courtesy of Dirk de Bruyn

It was about ten in the evening. A group of friends were driving home from a barbecue. Then the idea struck one of them. Like lightning, the thought seemed to come from nowhere. A lightning bolt delivered from the heavens.  A thought that lay in the atmospheric clouds, gathering energy and waiting for the perfect time to be delivered upon the creatures that dwelled amongst the Earth’s surface.
As they drove home from the barbecue, one of them was seized by this inconsequential force and was driven to the point of madness, all for the desire of a cornetto. “Can we stop and get a cornetto?” He asked.
“Why a cornetto?” The others asked of him.
“Why a cornetto!?” He was disturbed by the lack of support from those around him, “Cornettos are just about the perfect ice-cream. They have nuts on top or some sort of other flavouring. Then let’s not forget about the choc tip. At the bottom of the edible ice cream cone you have a cone tip of chocolate. I mean, who wouldn’t want a cornetto? They’re god damned delicious.”
“We’re not stopping.” Stated the driver.
“What kind of monster are you? What sort of monster would stand inbetween a man and his cornetto?”
“I just don’t think they’re that good, that’s all.”
“Not that good!? They made a movie trilogy about how good they are. That’s how good they are.”
“Since when?”
“Simon Pegg and his comedy team. They started off with Shaun of the Dead and they followed through with two sequels after that. The cornetto trilogy. That’s how good those things are. So don’t tell me any different.”
“I’m not stopping to get you a cornetto.”
About half an hour of more driving and talking about how good cornettos were and the driver finally submitted into stopping and buying a cornetto before they all went home. The others in the car cried out for victory, and a victory it was.
They stopped at the local supermarket. Hoping to purchase a four pack of cornettos so that they could all bask in their victory. But when they got there, they looked around and there was not a cornetto to be seen. “What’s going on here?” The cornetto enthusiast asked the supermarket attendants. The supermarket attendant went behind and counted the stock.
“It looks like we don’t sell them anymore.”
“You don’t sell them anymore!? But they’re delicious.”
“Sorry mate, you’ll have to go to the seven-eleven up the street.”
And so that’s where they went. To the twenty four hour convenience store up the street. But when they got there, the convenience clerk gave them the same story. They weren’t selling them anymore. What the hell was going on!? “It’s a conspiracy!” Claimed the cornetto enthusiast.
“It’s not a conspiracy. They just don’t sell them anymore.”
“Don’t sell them anymore? Are you mad? They’re delicious. This is a conspiracy for sure.”
“I don’t care. I’m going home.” And so they all parted ways and retired for the evening.
The next day the cornetto enthusiast was walking down the street and he stopped off at the local milk bar. Inside they were selling cornettos and only for two dollars. He went up to the front counter and purchased his cornetto. He talked to the proprietor of the milk bar, “Y’know, we were driving around looking for cornettos and they weren’t selling them anywhere.”
“Oh yes,” the proprietor explained, “The company is selling them at two dollars each and many of the outlets refuse to sell them because they won’t make any money off of them.”
“So it was a conspiracy. They told us they didn’t make them anymore.”
“No, it’s just that the stores refuse to sell them because they won’t make any money.”
“I knew it! A god damned conspiracy.”


donation link final

1,086 replies »

  1. Wonderful website you have here but I was
    curious about if you knew of any discussion boards that cover
    the same topics discussed in this article? I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get advice from other knowledgeable individuals that share the same interest.
    If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Thank you!

  2. I got this website from my buddy who told me about this site and at the moment this time I
    am visiting this website and reading very informative posts at this time.

  3. Good day! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if
    you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my
    comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble
    finding one? Thanks a lot!

  4. I really love your website.. Great colors & theme.
    Did you make this site yourself? Please reply back as I’m wanting
    to create my very own website and want to know where you got this from or exactly what the theme is named.

    Thank you!

  5. Wow that was strange. I just wrote an very long comment but after I clicked submit my
    comment didn’t appear. Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyway,
    just wanted to say great blog!

  6. My spouse and I stumbled over here from a different page and thought I should check things out.
    I like what I see so now i am following you. Look forward to going over your web page repeatedly.

  7. My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find many
    of your post’s to be exactly I’m looking for.
    can you offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs?
    I wouldn’t mind producing a post or elaborating on a lot of the subjects you write with regards to here.
    Again, awesome site!

  8. Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the images on this blog loading?
    I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.
    Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

  9. hi!,I like your writing so so much! percentage we be in contact more about your post on AOL?
    I need a specialist in this area to resolve my problem.
    Maybe that’s you! Having a look forward to look you.

  10. Hello, There’s no doubt that your site could possibly
    be having browser compatibility problems. When I look at your
    website in Safari, it looks fine however, if opening in Internet Explorer,
    it’s got some overlapping issues. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up!
    Besides that, excellent site!

  11. Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance
    from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog?
    I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out
    pretty fast. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to start.

    Do you have any points or suggestions? Thank you

  12. My brother suggested I would possibly like this
    website. He used to be totally right. This put
    up actually made my day. You can not imagine simply how a lot time
    I had spent for this information! Thank you!

  13. Attractive component of content. I simply stumbled upon your web
    site and in accession capital to assert that I acquire actually
    enjoyed account your blog posts. Any way I’ll be subscribing for your augment and even I achievement you access persistently fast.

  14. Hmm it seems like your blog ate my first comment (it was super long) so I
    guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog.
    I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the
    whole thing. Do you have any suggestions for beginner blog
    writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  15. Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for
    my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty
    finding one? Thanks a lot!

  16. Hello! Quick question that’s entirely off topic.

    Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
    My website looks weird when viewing from my apple iphone.
    I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to
    correct this problem. If you have any suggestions,
    please share. With thanks!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

The Unpublishables

%d bloggers like this: