[The Cornetto Conspiracy, 638 words, Genre: Mind Fudge]
* Image courtesy of Dirk de Bruyn
It was about ten in the evening. A group of friends were driving home from a barbecue. Then the idea struck one of them. Like lightning, the thought seemed to come from nowhere. A lightning bolt delivered from the heavens. A thought that lay in the atmospheric clouds, gathering energy and waiting for the perfect time to be delivered upon the creatures that dwelled amongst the Earth’s surface.
As they drove home from the barbecue, one of them was seized by this inconsequential force and was driven to the point of madness, all for the desire of a cornetto. “Can we stop and get a cornetto?” He asked.
“Why a cornetto?” The others asked of him.
“Why a cornetto!?” He was disturbed by the lack of support from those around him, “Cornettos are just about the perfect ice-cream. They have nuts on top or some sort of other flavouring. Then let’s not forget about the choc tip. At the bottom of the edible ice cream cone you have a cone tip of chocolate. I mean, who wouldn’t want a cornetto? They’re god damned delicious.”
“We’re not stopping.” Stated the driver.
“What kind of monster are you? What sort of monster would stand inbetween a man and his cornetto?”
“I just don’t think they’re that good, that’s all.”
“Not that good!? They made a movie trilogy about how good they are. That’s how good they are.”
“Simon Pegg and his comedy team. They started off with Shaun of the Dead and they followed through with two sequels after that. The cornetto trilogy. That’s how good those things are. So don’t tell me any different.”
“I’m not stopping to get you a cornetto.”
About half an hour of more driving and talking about how good cornettos were and the driver finally submitted into stopping and buying a cornetto before they all went home. The others in the car cried out for victory, and a victory it was.
They stopped at the local supermarket. Hoping to purchase a four pack of cornettos so that they could all bask in their victory. But when they got there, they looked around and there was not a cornetto to be seen. “What’s going on here?” The cornetto enthusiast asked the supermarket attendants. The supermarket attendant went behind and counted the stock.
“It looks like we don’t sell them anymore.”
“You don’t sell them anymore!? But they’re delicious.”
“Sorry mate, you’ll have to go to the seven-eleven up the street.”
And so that’s where they went. To the twenty four hour convenience store up the street. But when they got there, the convenience clerk gave them the same story. They weren’t selling them anymore. What the hell was going on!? “It’s a conspiracy!” Claimed the cornetto enthusiast.
“It’s not a conspiracy. They just don’t sell them anymore.”
“Don’t sell them anymore? Are you mad? They’re delicious. This is a conspiracy for sure.”
“I don’t care. I’m going home.” And so they all parted ways and retired for the evening.
The next day the cornetto enthusiast was walking down the street and he stopped off at the local milk bar. Inside they were selling cornettos and only for two dollars. He went up to the front counter and purchased his cornetto. He talked to the proprietor of the milk bar, “Y’know, we were driving around looking for cornettos and they weren’t selling them anywhere.”
“Oh yes,” the proprietor explained, “The company is selling them at two dollars each and many of the outlets refuse to sell them because they won’t make any money off of them.”
“So it was a conspiracy. They told us they didn’t make them anymore.”
“No, it’s just that the stores refuse to sell them because they won’t make any money.”
“I knew it! A god damned conspiracy.”